on doorknobs

DOORKNOB One of the ones that doesn’t work in this house, that old familiar doorknob, opens to my baby’s room, where he wakes and slams the rail against the hardwood walls. It won’t be long before he throws one leg over the edge and sinches out, another ninja finding his silent skills. 

When he pulls open on the knob, he’ll come to look for me. I’ll be sleeping, tending to another silent thing, or making small clinks at the dishes. I’ll scoop him up and say NoNo and put him again behind the rails, and I’ll know he’ll escape over and over until I decide to put him nearer to the floor and grant him access to all the doorknobs in this house. 

We make decisions every time we turn a knob. We make them every time we push a button. I wonder where his mind will go, what will lead him on, what doors he’ll walk past, stumble through, or hunt tooth and nail for the keys. 

Right now, I am a gatekeeper. I am a nightwatcher. I am an alarm system, a deeply coded sensor. This is my house, and another few open doors, and my babies will move from it, deciding, hearing knocks, and opening up. In their own houses, the den for their souls, already stands one knocking. 

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for Emily @ Chatting at the Sky.

Comments

  1. …(tear)….my youngest just mastered that silant ninja art of slipping over the top rail…

    Esther’s last blog post..Run and not be weary

  2. Hmm, this post resonated with me. A few years back I was so tired of just filling in housewife/mom on obligatory forms so I thought awhile on what it is I do. The title I use now is familykeeper, a word I coined from the many similarities of being a gatekeeper and protector for my children and home. Keeping the bad things out and interjecting all the good that I desire for them to learn. Much like your analogy here!

    Dina’s last blog post..natura/beauty

  3. Beautiful. Thank you.

  4. I have failed miserably at “letting go” of my adult children, I keep getting better though and I guess that is what matters. I always thought I raised them to be independent and their own person, but as they get older (they are 19 and 21) I feel an occassionally panic attack that they no longer “need me”. That feeling never last long though because the insurance payment needs me when one of their paychecks are a little short, Valentine’s Day rolls around and my son is broke so he needs me to help come up with something creative for his girl, then of course I’m needed for assistance with books for school. Enjoy it while you can!

    Michelle’s last blog post..20 Little Things To Look Forward To In Spring

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