What is your Anything?

I have this book written by a new friend, Jennie Allen. Her book is called Anything, and it got in my business. In it she asks us, “What is your Anything?

What is the one thing you’e most afraid to lose? I happen to have several.

***

from weheartit.com

In my dream, it’s beautiful, full sun. At a park, maybe Central, the blooms dot. The leaves sway. People are passing me in full joy, going on to do what gives them joy, all in different directions. I know they serve Jesus, even in sorrow, joy.

I’m a spectator, happily watching until I realize my hands. Lunch is next to me on the bench, fruit juice and a turkey sandwich with vegetables stacked on a crumpled paper bag. And my hands are under my legs. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. I want to grab my food and run the way of joy. I long to reach.

Then sorrow sets in. I watch my sandwich ruin, flies land in my juice. I don’t even want to get off my hands any more.

This is my fear, that I won’t follow Jesus with my writing and thereby not hear from Him. No. No, it’s not that. That’s the surface way to put it.

My “Anything” is my writing, the safety of keeping it to my blog, the safety of not really diving in to what God is speaking to me. I know the power of story. I know it can be gospel. And I also know that I do not yet appropriately bear the image of Christ. I know that I do not always steward His mysteries well. I’m yet to be exposed through my writing for what I really am.

I confess that I’m comfortable with speaking openly about my abortion and my affair. I confess that I can speak openly, too, about having been a teenager on drugs. But I confess that there are deeper things, real experiences and, harder yet, invisible things that I have never confronted. I don’t believe we are to write all the details. I’m not saying that. But if a writer is to claim honesty and truth-telling, then she must at the very least be honest with herself and God, really deal with them in the throne room.

My “Anything” is contentment, that I am not in a state of grief.

My “Anything” is exposure, that I’ll write and it won’t receive exposure [then flip the coin], that I’ll write and find myself completely exposed. Already it’s happening, how maturity only happens when the immaturity and trust issues are revealed.

***

I highly recommend Jennie Allen’s book, Anything: The Prayer that Unlocked My God and My Soul. Also, the stories at WhatIsYourAnything.com are amazing and freeing. Now really, are you thinking about it?

What is your Anything?

 

Comments

  1. This book is already on my list. I’m a knot of anythings.

    I do give them up, then I do take them back again. I’m brought to a place of self-confrontation again and again, and there I find grace. … God’s amazing grace still amazes me. That He loves me despite my anythings? Astounding …
    Jennifer@GDWJ recently posted..What’s in a Name (A Video Message from Jennifer Lee)

  2. sigh.
    praying peace for you in this and your everything.
    I get this. I do.
    deb recently posted..still quiet and still

    • You are the one. I want to see you write more. It’s selfish, but I feel like I need you to do it.

      Or it just seems right that you would.

  3. Wow – this sounds powerful…may need to pick up a copy of that book!

  4. You wrote it, but its like you wrote it for me because I didn’t know how to say it like that. That exposure part, afraid of not having any and then being too exposed. We have walked different roads on the same journey. Thanks for being you, for inspiring me. (And can I just admit I loved writing a mother letter and the comments from it are icing.)
    Shelly Miller recently posted..When My Perception Isn’t Your Reality

  5. Oh how I love you. I want you to go there. God desires to break it all open. Maybe not even for the world to see, but for Light to reach those crevices. Light heals. xoxo
    Airs recently posted..Big news! Check out Simple Design

    • Oh how I love you, too. And I miss you.

      Keep asking me what are the things I’m doing instead of listening to God. We try to hide behind so much noise. Or that’s what I do.

  6. You know I have not stopped praying.
    And I won’t.
    I won’t.

    Can letters curve themselves to reach over and squeeze a hand?

    I pray these somehow impossibly do.

    • The answer is yes. Okay well, your words actually didn’t reach over and squeeze my hand, but my heart felt a squeeze for sure.

      And I know you’ll pray, and that’s a crazy thing that we get to do that for each other.

      Thank you for loving me and for being my sister. The hick in me outdoes yours any ol’ day.

  7. Oh Amber. I grew up in a conservative household, in every way, so know this doesn’t come easy for me. But friend? I see God’s light all around you when I pray. I see it flooding out the cracks and filling in the spaces. You have a gift. Do not be afraid to steward it well. Remember, the only scorned servant was the one who buried their gift in the ground out of fear.

    Do not be afraid, sweet one. God knows. (/end crazy prophetic rant)

    • Kelly, I’ve been thinking all day about these words, that story in the Bible about the buried gift, my sitting on my hands.

      I just spoke to a dearest friend on the phone, and he reminded me that we don’t have a spirit of fear or timidity, but rather we have a spirit of power and of discipline and love.

      Just whoa.

      Thank you for blessing me. I receive it, sister, you holy roller, you.

  8. First there is the beautiful wow of sending me over to check out the book. Wow cannot wait to climb in it and go deep down like a cave diver and then the wow of the sweet authentic cry of your own heart about your writing. May God walk you to the place you long to go. You bless me everytime I come here and now I have subscribed. Heartfelt thank you’s. And May He richly bless every stroke of your pen and every murmur of your heart as it finds its beautiful way to paper.
    Elizabeth recently posted..“When Grace Moves In…”– max lucado

  9. I read yieldness…vulnerability in these words…we all have those corners in our hearts that need penetrating by God’s Love…and for me…it is growing in knowing how Loved I am by Him…and if we know we are completely loved…nothing can separate us from that Love…not our past…present or future. I have found…the more I know I am loved…the more I let go to him in trust…the more I trust…the more I know I am loved…it is a wonderful dance of God. I love your heart…He loves it so much more.
    r.elliott recently posted..Immeasurably More…

  10. Amber,

    This completely just spoke to my heart (enough to not just lurk here…which is what I usually do). I wrestled with this same thing last night. I’m new to all of this and it’s a love hate for me right now. Loving the writing, hating the thoughts that proceed after I lay it all out there.

    Thanks for saying it so well. I so needed this!

    Appreciate you so much.

    Kels

  11. I don’t stop in here enough to tell you this…

    I like you.
    Seth recently posted..Marriage Letters – On Outside Influences

  12. Oh, yes – the ongoing battle with exposure/hiddenness/self-doubt/self-confidence/authenticity/ duplicity…all that stuff that makes us such interesting, complicated, messed up human creatures. I’ve heard about this book and website and it reminds me of that older Prayer of Abandonment by Charles de Foucauld. My inability to pray it sent me to therapy many years ago and eventually into spiritual direction – both receiving it and offering it. Trust is an ongoing journey for all of us. Finding our way to balance between acknowledging how thoroughly craven we are AND how thoroughly loved AS we are – well that’s what this life journey is really all about, don’t you think? I take deep comfort in the truth of the gospel: Jesus Christ came for broken, sinful people because …. because GOD LOVES US SO. And that ‘us,’ dearest Amber, includes you. And me. Thanks be to God.
    diana trautwein recently posted..When to Write…

  13. Sandra92 says:

    I do agree that anything is contentment, a word of enough in which power us to so such thing worth effective…
    Sandra92 recently posted..Unlock iPhone 4

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge